As a toddler and a preschooler, Ryder was full of love, adventure, curiosity, and a sense of humor beyond his years. He was also extraordinarily strong-willed and had emotional outbursts that would ignite in the face of common parenting strategies. We spent the first five years of Ryder’s life trying to decipher what reality we were facing. On one hand, Ryder did great in full-time preschool for two years. His teachers and pediatrician advised that he was healthy and ready for kindergarten. On the other hand, Ryder’s anxiety was increasing and he started throwing temper tantrums as kindergarten neared. I relayed concerns to the school, but I didn’t have a medical or school history to reference, so his teacher quickly reassured me that everything would be fine. I stifled my fears and hoped Ryder would thrive.
After a difficult first few days of kindergarten, things improved with the help of motor breaks throughout Ryder’s day. The rest of the first semester went beautifully. But then his beloved grandfather and aunt died within two weeks of each other during winter break. Ryder fell apart overnight and the sparkle in his eyes dimmed. In a haze of grief, Ryder started soaking through three shirts a day from a new habit of chewing on his clothes. He didn’t want to leave the house. He refused to do things he had previously loved. I sent a long email to his teacher, expressing my fears and observations, and I was quickly reassured again.
But Ryder’s downward spiral intensified. His sensory and attention needs escalated. He started bringing home one, sometimes two, Behavior Reports, a pink carbon copy of a written description of his failings at school that were quickly piling up in his permanent record. He would crumple the reports and beg me not to read them. We also started receiving calls during the school day when Ryder would be in ‘distress’. Upon picking him up, the air of frustration and disappointment was palpable, and we knew that Ryder could sense it. We were watching a vicious cycle of behavior incidents, shame, and vanishing self-confidence rapidly unfold. We resolved to find a school that would meet Ryder’s needs.
That January, we embarked on a journey to find answers and solutions. We toured nine schools in St. Louis. When I called Miriam, I talked at length about Ryder’s struggles and potential. The kindness, reassurance, and absence of judgement I felt as I shared my son’s struggles filled me with so much hope.
During our tour of Miriam, the students were friendly, smiling, and sociable. The class sizes were small, and there were endless opportunities to release extra energy to enhance focus and classroom readiness. There was the sensory gym with a ball pit and pedal ride-on cars, the beautiful outdoor playground and garden, kids jumping rope and hopping on bouncy balls through the halls, and the expansive gymnasium. We knew we had found Ryder’s school.
Ryder started school at Miriam in first grade, and he is now in second grade. Since day one at Miriam our family has been showered with so much love. Ryder quickly made close friends, and he is greeted with excitement from his peers and staff every time he walks through the door. His confidence is fostered by the way his strengths and weaknesses are deeply understood and nurtured. Ryder not only receives the breaks he needs, but he is learning to identify and communicate when he needs one of those breaks. He also receives occupational, language and social skills therapies during the school day so that our evenings and weekends are not filled with appointments.
Our journey of learning what Ryder needs continues, but the school is always there to listen and support us with extensive experience and competence. Ryder loves everyone he works with at Miriam School. Before winter break and at the end of the school year, Ryder has an exhaustive list of everyone whom he wishes to thank, extending well beyond his teachers.
We are so thankful for Miriam, a school that provides Ryder with the unconditional love and support he needs to thrive at school. Miriam has helped Ryder’s smile and love of life to return.
-Submitted by Whitey Lane